Being in a new relationship can be scary. Long term relationships/marriages can lose communication over time. We know that it may sound cliche to say that “communication is key” but this is true. At all phases of life.

Being able to communicate with your partner is a crucial part in a relationship. Many people say “I do” but MOST are saying “I do” to the person that is in front of them. Marriage aside, some people in long term relationships love the person that was presented to them at first.

You want long term committment but are you realizing that you are committing to love someone through all phases of their lives? Wouldn’t you want someone to do that for you?

Different parts of our personalities surface when we go through grief, difficult trials in life and honestly we just individually evolve as humans. So, you go through your phases of change personally.

It is unfortunate that people fall out of love but one person in the relationship can grow while the other partner does not want change so you naturally drift apart. However, you MUST continue to communicate with your partner so that they are aware what is going on with you. It’s a partnership. Support should be there and communicating can open up the door for support during a relationship.

Please understand that if someone is physically harming you in any way it is never ok to stay in that relationship. You do need to communicate that this behavior is NOT ok and should leave the relationship immediately and seek help.

MARRIAGE CONVERSATION CARDS

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When I try to communicate with my partner he tells me that all I do is nag and that I am never happy”

This may happen when you start to communicate but it is easy to do a self check to see if you are complaining or if you are truly trying to communicate and connect.

Here are some tips to determine the difference.

COMPLAINING vs. COMMUNICATING

If you are complaining there is usually a judgement feeling with finding only your partners faults but none of your own. This is more than “you haven’t taken the trash out in 2 days”. It is a constant finger pointing about what they aren’t doing right and what you expect with no expectations for you to meet their needs. In fact, when complaining it comes across as you not caring about their needs and ONLY yours. So, yes… if you are doing that then you are nagging and you should do some serious work to find out why you disregard your partner’s feeling and what the root cause of your unhappiness is. This cannot be done by relying on your partner to tell you. It must be done soley on your own or with a licensed therapist.

When you are communicating it is not judgemental. It is loving and it can be as simple as “how was your week at work, I noticed you seemed exhausted this week” to “I feel like you’re upset with me and I’d like to talk about what we can do to get out of this funk we are in”. You truly have the other person’s best interest at heart and they have yours. You accept constructive feedback from your partner and you work to improve your relationship and connect on a deeper level.

When children are involved it is so easy to be occupied in what they are doing so things become routine but you should always want to personally and privately connect with your partner so that your marriage/relationship does not go stagnant and it continues to flourish.

SO PLAN A DATE NIGHT

You may have great communication skills with your partner but that doesn’t mean you can’t plan a date night to get closer. Communicate with them and just have a great time. And if you are struggling in this department in your relationship, plan a date night as a way to reconnect. Let us know how it goes in the comment section below!