BLENDING FAMILY
A HARD TASK WITH GREAT REWARDS!
Blending family is a task that can go seamlessly or can be difficult. It’s something that could happen and benefit everyone involved OR could be a horrible experience which can cause the children involved to have issues growing up and also when they get older.
It takes the maturity of adults to make a situation peaceful for children and everyone else involved which includes new partners and their children as well. Everyone is affected.
Also, kids can feel energy so if you think that you are “being the bigger person” but having tense energy when the conversation of their mother or father comes up that definitely is not blending a family peacefully.
There should be a general respect. Even if your previous relationship did not end on the best note you must always remember that your child loves their other parent and they should be provided a safe space where they can vocalize that. They should never come around you and your new family feeling like they can never mention their other parent. They should never feel like the other parent is bad unless they are providing information to you that is concerning and local authorities need to be contacted.
So, let’s talk about blending families!
I have listed some key tips on how to gracefully blend a family.
CHECK YOUR EGO - This is not about you. It’s always about the children and while the other party may be difficult, it is vital that you are on one accord with checking your ego. So, yes that may mean that you have to swallow that pride and continously try to co-parent if the other parent is difficult.
THERE SHOULD BE SOME KIND OF FOUNDATION BEFORE INVITING IN OTHER PEOPLE TO BLEND - The most important thing you could do before blending is make sure that your previous situation is stable. If there is a breakup there should not be any chaos surrounding that situation. I’ve never understood how certain people can have a toxic situation and then bring someone new in to blend; creating a BIGGER toxic situation. That is the most immature and selfish thing someone could do. Set your foundation before. Learn to co-parent and create a healthy environment before blending. This may require you waiting BEFORE blending. This doesn’t mean you can’t date but the respect for your children should come first.
TOGETHERNESS - Do you know how important it is for a child to feel “togetherness”? You don’t have to go on vacation with the ex-partner BUT a child likes to feel a sense of togetherness. No child should feel that they can’t talk to their parent when they are with the other AND/OR making them feel that your family is better than the other. It’s such a shame that some people will honestly do this to children. It’s unfair and it’s a form of child abuse. So, if you love your child, make a plan for them to feel togetherness. You can start off by warmly and openly co-existing.
If you need help with blending or have any core concerns that we’ve mentioned, you can see a life coach or family therapist. Their goal is to set you up for success. Remember that when your relationship ends a new relationship begins with your child/ren. They will watch how you handle yourself with them and how you treat their other parent. They will pick up on your energy and what you do during this stage of blending can have a lasting effect with them and your relationship.
IT STARTS AT HOME
