Dearest Dark Shadow
Sometimes in life there are people who will say that you are (or have been) difficult. They will paint this narrative that your inability to be “peaceful” is the problem. Everything is your fault and they never fully take accountability for their actions. A half ass apology is what you or someone connected to you may get but it still leaves all parties involved feeling uncomfortable because the transparency they just displayed has a shadow.
Living with this shadow is draining because you start to feel like a caged bird that is forced to live in someone’s narrative. You take steps to move forward BUT you feel fake because you feel like you are agreeing to and living in this false narrative that has been created. It sucks! It seriously sucks ass.
SPEAK TO THAT SHADOW
Speaking out loud (in privacy) and/or writing a letter to your shadow is a great release. You can even burn it afterwards or you can simply keep it for a period of time to remind yourself that you are living in your truth and that you have released it. If you are waiting for a true authentic apology just know that you may NEVER get that and you must be ok with it.
I remember wanting an authentic apology so bad and I convinced myself that if this person would just apologize I would be free. But that is not the case. Someone giving an authentic apology means that they have done extensive self-work so I was setting myself up to wait for someone to do work within themselves; and this person was not living in truth nor were they around an environment that assisted them in being their true authentic self. I was waiting around for SOMEONE to speak up and help me, I was drowning in this person’s narrative and my emotions did not help the situation. No one stood up for me, no one spoke up… until years later and now it means nothing to me. I’m glad you’re freeing your soul of your guilt.
Why on earth would I want an apology? It would not change the damage that has been done to me. It would not mean that I was free to move on and flourish. I was already free to do so and I had to realize that I have to move forward with the life and environment that I have always wanted.
I want to share with you below a sample of my letter that I wrote to my shadow. I actually burned it a month later.
If there is anger, sadness or any emotion other than happiness when writing to your shadow that doesn’t matter. Just because your letter doesn’t display “happiness” doesn’t mean that you have not moved on and dealt with your shadow. We often trick ourselves into believing that happiness is the only emotion to truly show growth and that is not true. You can be happy in your life and also deal with specific shadows that still do not have the best feelings when you do the work to remove it. And this is OK.
Allow yourself to feel and in the end you will be happy for the experience and move on with love.
