The most IDEAL situation when a relationship ends is to just never speak to or see that person again. But when you have to still deal with them, it can be quite challenging.

Relationships end and sometimes you are relieved while other times you may be heartbroken. You can be heartbroken because you were caught by surprise. For example, planning a trip to Europe and your partner telling you they could never imagine their life with anyone else but you. Well, 7 days later you find out that they are cheating on you and their explanation for doing that is that they hate you.

Hey, things can actually be that ratchet! This stuff doesn't just happen in #LIFETIME Movies.

When a relationship ends, you may find yourself wanting to fight for the relationship OR you could literally be like "THANK YOU JESUS; GOD IS GOOD AND ON TIME". However, when reflecting, months or years later you realize that there were extreme red flags and toxic traits from that relationship. You learn, grow and just move on. You thank GOD for the experience and all the lessons that you learned from that relationship and you EVOLVE into an even more beautiful being. That's the ABSOLUTE perfect scenario, right?

BUT WHAT IF YOU STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PERSON?

“I remember seeing my ex and thinking, you low-life piece of shit I literally can't stand the sight of your lying filthy ass. And I thought this the entire time I was smiling, laughing, trying to be upbeat and TRYING to co-parent”

When children are involved or other circumstances where you HAVE to interact with that ex it can make things challenging. You might be thinking right now, what other circumstances other than children would have you interact with an ex. And I can give you a perfect example. Imagine... sleeping with your boss and it ending. You still have to go to work everyday with your professional demeanor, hoping that no one has figured out that you were screwing your boss on the conference room table (the same table you are all currently having a meeting on) and that it has ended on a bad note. Now... THAT IS DIFFICULT!! *insert your coffin emojis and LOL's here*

AND WHAT IF THAT TOXIC EX HURT YOU?

When they have hurt you, embarrassed you and held no accountability for all the destruction that they have caused it is so difficult. You work so hard to be a better person and you continue clearing off all their residue they left BUT you still have to deal with them and you find yourself regressing at certain times.

What we DON'T WANT to do is give that ex ANY reason to feel like they got under your skin. They don't care what reaction they get from you but they hope that it is negative so that they can continue to paint the story of you being "crazy".

Even when you show you have moved on and you are truly happy they will go out of their way to "prove" that they are over you. The energy they put into letting it be known that they don't like you is ridiculous. It becomes a circus. And your peace gets interrupted but you have to REMAIN CALM and don't respond emotionally.

Sometimes it can become so unbearable because you could be dealing with a person who has narcisstic and/or sociopathic traits. The disrespect can be on 10! I remember being so traumatized that I couldn't sleep (I had severe insomnia) and I fell into a depression because I didn't understand the dark toxic-ness and disrespect. I'd never been treated like that in my entire life. I didn't know how to handle that dark betrayal. And I was later diagnosed with #PTSD. I learned that people with those behaviors want you to react and if they have supporters they WILL ALL try to ruin your peace. The BEST THING to do is to not react. I can't stress this enough. Don't give them any reaction AT ALLLLL. Save that for behind closed doors. Vent to your friends, new partner...hell, you might even have a therapist. Talk it out with them and cry if you have to. IT IS OK.

SAFE WORD - SAFE SPACE

“Even when things go ok with the interactions, their ENTIRE ENGERY can still disturb your peace.”

Having a safe word for yourself or others to let them know you are being triggered is great. If you have to interact with this person (especially if children are involved) it is always great to bring someone along with you. My safe word was "codice rosso". It is Italian for "code-red". I would get triggered by the giggling, the smart comments, his supporters and how they would pretend they were so happy without me. It was so strange the amount of energy that was put into trying to SHOW me that they are so happy without me. I thought to myself "WOW, if only you put that energy into actually fixing your broken relationships, because this does not affect me". They would do horrible things behind the scenes to me so naturally when I saw that person I was ready to run up in their face and slap a bitch. But it always happened in public. I always confronted in public and looked like a damn fool. Thank GOD people around me knew my character. But eventually I realized that's what they wanted me to do. I gave them power. No one saw how I was being treated behind the scenes; it was truly traumatizing. All they say was a woman being disruptive and looking like a psycho in public. So, I stopped responding. I found my happiness and I just literally didn't care. I truly felt "well if you're happy I'm gone, so I am I so we can all be happy together". Find a #safe space! Mine is removing myself temporarily, meditating before, DURING and after an interaction. Realizing that specific toxic #energy does not help me be my best self and I make sure that I stay grounded so that I can release their energy as soon as possible. So, my code word was when I had a friend with me, it let them know that I need to be removed OR they would change the subject and distract me. My safe space was therapy, the privacy of my home and some great besties I could talk to. It was so nice!

Shout out to my RYDAHS!

"They have NOTHING when they lose power"

YOU GOT THIS!

Take their power away. They NEVER have new tricks. Remember that they are an ex for a reason. One of the main reasons is because they would not help you reach your highest self. So, they had to be removed from your life and that is OK! Having to deal with them constantly can have you feeling stuck in that time period of being hurt. But, I'm here to tell you that is over. The lesson has been learned and you have EVOLVED even more into the beautiful being that you are. You just have to train your mind to believe that. It will become easier and you may one day have a great friendship with them. But you must FIRST protect your peace and shut yourself off emotionally from them. It WILL get easier. TRUST ME!

So, let's recap!

(1) NO REACTION

(2) SAFE WORD - SAFE SPACE

(3) CLEAR YOUR ENERGY from interactions with them. EVERY TIME!

(4) REMEMBER, YOU ARE SAFE NOW. You are #FREE to be authentically you. Their feelings and thoughts about you does not change the fact that you are bad ass. You don't have to deal with them anymore! #LIVE!!!